Deep stuff

Once a week I get together with 4 of my closest girls to talk, pray, and read our bibles. Sort of a bible study, sort of an accountability group…

Last night was a tough one. Tough because lots of things came up. Real things, things that have emotion behind them, and hurts and fears and hopes. That stuff is hard to deal with, it’s hard to see through to the other side sometimes, and it can be hard to remember that God is ultimately in control.

But it’s all about going through it together, and ultimately knowing and believing that God is loving and powerful. He already knows the outcomes, the way our lives will play out, and who He has lined up for us.

Working through and letting go of all of this anxiety, worry, stress, and tears is just the way we come to understand God’s character and the ways in which He is taking care of it all, if we would only let Him, and listen for guidance.

I’m so blessed to have these girls in my life. It was a long night for all of us, with the focus moving from person to person. But we all know that we all love each other as sisters, and we’re in it together. Even though by the end of the night I just wanted to break down and sob for, oh, 3 hours or so…I didn’t, but I wish I would have been able to, sometimes a good cry just releases all of that pent up tension from worrying so much.

I know God knows what He’s doing, and His plans are far better than anything I think I want right now.

I’m thankful for where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going. Things that seem huge today really aren’t that big of a deal in the long run.

I’m glad I have amazing friends to walk through it with me, and I’m glad I can walk with them through their struggles. I’m glad I’m not the one in control, I’d screw stuff up far too often!

And I can just picture God watching me freak out about what I can’t see, smiling and thinking to himself, “If she only knew! It’s going to be great!”

In the meantime…calm down little heart, just calm down. It’s all going to work out…

Pray is much appreciated if you feel like it.
How can I pray for you?

Today is heavy.

Today has been one of those days.

A day when there is so much going on in other people’s lives that I get overwhelmed. They are all people I love, and I am honored to be there to pray for them and go through it with them…but it gets tiring nonetheless. I’ve always been a peacemaker, with both family and friends. I don’t mean that in a people pleasing sense, I just tend to help clarify situations and support them while they’re going through it. But along with all of that comes on the impact of taking on someone else’s burdens.

I believe that’s what community and love is all about, helping to lessen the load of someone elses burdens. I think today I’m just feeling the weight of it all more than other days. And the situations going on are also making me think about those areas of my own life. Areas that I’ve already been through, or areas that I feel like there is something missing.

I’m so thankful that I am loved by a God who is bigger than all of it. Through Him I will live abundantly, I will come through the other side as a stronger person, and while I am tired from it all He will give me rest.

My Rock and my hard place

“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

I was thinking about this phrase while driving the other day.

Two oposing forces, pushing you towards somewhere in the middle, where you find yourself unable to do exactly what YOU want.

Interesting, don’t you think?
It seems to me that, by this definition, we are always “stuck between a rock and a hard place” in life. There are always two choices.

And then I got to thinking that “I’m stuck between MY rock, and MY hard place” makes a whole lot of sense to me. Stay with me, the metaphor breaks down a little because I’m using the “rock” as something postive…whereas I think the usage implies that both sides are negative.

My “rock” is my Lord. He knows what is best for me, offers it to me, shows me atleast the first step it’ll take to do what is best for me. He is constant, strong, wise, and loving.

My “hard place” is my sin, weaknesses, the ways of this world, what may seem like the easy way out. We all have our own personal hard place(s). This struggle changes face day to day, but is also constant, because I’m a fallen human.

And then there is me, somewhere in the middle. With both forces pulling and pushing me towards my decisions. Hopefully the rock has more power, that is, hopefully I give the rock more power, more respect, more trust; afterall, I am chosen by Him, I am His beloved. Hopefully I ignore the hard place, laugh in it’s face, say it means nothing to me. But alas, I am still fallen…Redemed by Jesus, yes, and in that I am given freedom and grace. However, in our humanity we are given free will, the ability to make our own decisions and live through the consequences, good or bad, easy or difficult.

So there is always a battle. You can choose who to side with, who you give more power, whose advice you’ll take, whose love you’ll accept.

My Rock and my hard place.

I choose my rock. It’s a choice I make everyday, every moment.

How should I know?

It seems that so many of us are stuck in a weird place. We all feel like we always have too many things to get done, but at the same time we feel like we aren’t doing enough. Or, atleast, that what we are doing isn’t enough.

Will that ever change? Is it something that we, as humans, striving to live for something more, will always battle?

How do we even think that we are the ones qualified to define “enough”? We are not. We are only responsible to listen, and do as we are lead. To be faithful to a calling. To be faithful and live through faith.

Simple, right?

Nope. We over think, over worry, under trust, every single day.

We are creatures full of doubt. And we must make a deliberate choice to replace that doubt with hope and faith. And upon making that choice, you are signing yourself up for an adventure, a challenge, and a purpose.

It just might take a while for your ears to adjust to hearing a constant voice of love. Maybe it takes an entire lifetime.