Brainstorm, but not the productive kind.

Do you ever have times where there is just so many things bouncing around in your brain and heart that your mouth and fingers can not possibly keep up or make sense enough of it to share ANY of it?

I think that’s where I’m at. Hopefully I can sort through atleast some of it soon so i can get back to posting.
If there’s anyone out there who’s been bored by my lack of communication, just bear with me. I’m not brain dead, quite the opposite at the moment.

Looking back and looking ahead

I’ve been thinking about how quickly time goes, and how the decisions you make change things in the future more than you could imagine.

5 years ago, I was one week away from graduating from high school. Excitement, nerves, questions, freedom and a driver’s license… The plan was to continue working and go to one of the local Junior Colleges, then transfer to a 4 year University and find some wonderful career and hopefully a wonderful guy.

Yeah. Reality turned out to be far from it. The working continued, and turned into a necessity when I moved out at 19. School slowly fizzled, probably in part due to the need to work. And therefore, I find myself 5 years out of high school with no degree, working full time and trying to figure out how to “make my dream happen”. And the guy part, well that just hasn’t happened, and I’m okay with it, some days more than others, because I don’t want to waste my time and heart.

One month from today I will turn 23. Which for some reason sounds much older to me than 22. And turning 22 was big because I didn’t have to deal with the, “oh you’re 21!!! cooooool!” response anymore,  that drove me nuts. I don’t drink, so it was only exciting because it meant I was no longer limited on the concerts I could go to.

23…I can’t believe it. I’m guessing it’s harder for my parents to believe, but it’s weird to me too. In some ways it feels like I was just a kid yesterday. But in other ways I can see so much growth and I’ve been through so much that it seems like I should be 53, not 23!

I’m  thankful to be where I’m at, even if it’s far from where I thought I’d be. 5 years ago I was only months away from coming to know Christ. 5 years ago was the beginning of new things. 5 years ago I had no idea of the hardships ahead, but I also had no idea how hugely God would bless me on the other side of those challenges. And this can only be true of my future as well.

No matter where you are, take a second to realize what it means. And then take a deep breathe and continue on, you never know what is up ahead.

Today is heavy.

Today has been one of those days.

A day when there is so much going on in other people’s lives that I get overwhelmed. They are all people I love, and I am honored to be there to pray for them and go through it with them…but it gets tiring nonetheless. I’ve always been a peacemaker, with both family and friends. I don’t mean that in a people pleasing sense, I just tend to help clarify situations and support them while they’re going through it. But along with all of that comes on the impact of taking on someone else’s burdens.

I believe that’s what community and love is all about, helping to lessen the load of someone elses burdens. I think today I’m just feeling the weight of it all more than other days. And the situations going on are also making me think about those areas of my own life. Areas that I’ve already been through, or areas that I feel like there is something missing.

I’m so thankful that I am loved by a God who is bigger than all of it. Through Him I will live abundantly, I will come through the other side as a stronger person, and while I am tired from it all He will give me rest.