Eleventh Hour

Down to the wire.

Eleventh hour.

Go time.

Call it what you will, it’s stressful. I’m just gunna get real for a minute, okay?

I’m trying not to stress out over numbers right now. I’m still not where I need to be for my trip account, and if that amount doesn’t show up, I don’t go to Africa. Simple as that. You can’t fly across the world without a plane ticket, you can’t buy a ticket without the moola. I know God is Huge, I know He provides, I know He works in crazy ways. I’ve seen it all first hand, and believe that if it’s His plan, it’ll happen, no matter how stressed out I might be.

Last night at church we talked about Joy. Uncircumstantial, consitent, trusting, peaceful joy. Joy that is deep down, and isn’t shaken by the tough times. Joy that comes from knowing that no matter the outcome, God is at the center of the plan, and that plan is working for your good. All things work together for the good of those who love Him. He who has begun a good work in you will carry it out to completion. I know. But feeling the knowing is different. If that makes any sense at all.

So I’m asking for your prayer. And your donations. And your encouragement. Because sometimes the planning, paying, buying, waiting, discussing, working to get the goal met, is the hardest part. Once I’m there, working with children who are so full of that JOY that it’s contagious, I’ll be more than fine. I’ll be fantastic! Cold, and tired, but fantastic. And that’s what I’m focusing on, hoping for, looking towards; I just need to avoid those momentary thoughts of “uh oh, what if…” cause those bad boys will drag you down in an instant.

Thanks.

Deep stuff

Once a week I get together with 4 of my closest girls to talk, pray, and read our bibles. Sort of a bible study, sort of an accountability group…

Last night was a tough one. Tough because lots of things came up. Real things, things that have emotion behind them, and hurts and fears and hopes. That stuff is hard to deal with, it’s hard to see through to the other side sometimes, and it can be hard to remember that God is ultimately in control.

But it’s all about going through it together, and ultimately knowing and believing that God is loving and powerful. He already knows the outcomes, the way our lives will play out, and who He has lined up for us.

Working through and letting go of all of this anxiety, worry, stress, and tears is just the way we come to understand God’s character and the ways in which He is taking care of it all, if we would only let Him, and listen for guidance.

I’m so blessed to have these girls in my life. It was a long night for all of us, with the focus moving from person to person. But we all know that we all love each other as sisters, and we’re in it together. Even though by the end of the night I just wanted to break down and sob for, oh, 3 hours or so…I didn’t, but I wish I would have been able to, sometimes a good cry just releases all of that pent up tension from worrying so much.

I know God knows what He’s doing, and His plans are far better than anything I think I want right now.

I’m thankful for where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going. Things that seem huge today really aren’t that big of a deal in the long run.

I’m glad I have amazing friends to walk through it with me, and I’m glad I can walk with them through their struggles. I’m glad I’m not the one in control, I’d screw stuff up far too often!

And I can just picture God watching me freak out about what I can’t see, smiling and thinking to himself, “If she only knew! It’s going to be great!”

In the meantime…calm down little heart, just calm down. It’s all going to work out…

Pray is much appreciated if you feel like it.
How can I pray for you?

The Ivey’s are changing the world…and my heart

The world of blogging is amazing to me. People you’ve never met can really change your perspective, and your life.

Over the past few months I’ve been following the lives of a family I’ve never met. They share their stories, struggles and most importantly, their journey through trying to adopt 2 beautiful children from Haiti. And right now Aaron and Jamie could really really use your prayers! I beg you to join me, and many others who are lifting them up in prayer and pleading for God to move mountains that could possibly prevent them from being united with their precious children.

My heart has been opened and changed by their blogs, and specifically by their heart for adoption. It was a topic that I was always unsure of. And now, I don’t see how anyone can have a negative view of it. And it’s now something that I plan on doing when the time is right. Why WOULDN’T it be right to take in and love and give a home to a child who otherwise would be overlooked by the world.

I read a statistic that was something like, if 7(?)percent of Christians adopted a child there would be no orphans. I don’t remember where I read it, or what the exact number was, but it was a small number. And that blows my mind.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and fautless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27 NIV

I think it’s interesting that in the same breath, that passage mentions taking care of the orphans and widows, AND not letting yourself be polluted by the world. How do those go together? Because it seems that a main excuse people use (and I’m not saying that EVERYONE HAS TO adopt, just looking deeper into why we should) for not feeling called to adopt is to say that it is too hard, too scary. The world has corrupted so many things. And because the world feeds us lies about adoption leading to broken families who can’t get along and adopted children who hate their adopted parents…we have come to FEAR adoption in some ways. What if it messes up your comfortable life? What if it changes the way you and your family live. But who would try and decieve us to believe that “what God accepts as pure and faultless” is in fact impossible? I can only think of one Sneaky Little Bastard… the same one who would love for use to believe that many things are impossible, he would love for us to forget that through Christ who strengthens me, all things are possible. All things. Possible. God moves mountains. Don’t let yourself be polluted by the world.

If God sees something as pure and faultless, and if it models His love for us, why would we expect it to fail? Is it challenging and heartbreaking at times, I’m sure it is. But does that stop God from adopting us as His own and taking us in without question to love us for eternity? Nope. So why should it stop us?

Let’s join in prayer and beg for God to move what seems like us to mountains, but to Him are just little pebbles. And stop by Aaron’s blog and/or Jamie’s blog to read it for yourself, to see their hearts, and to encourage them. They’re trying to change the world through loving children as God loves. They’ve changed my life, and through that, will end up changing atleast one other child’s life in the future. And THAT, that is pure and faultless.

Let’s be The Church right now. Pray. It works wonders.

Looking back and looking ahead

I’ve been thinking about how quickly time goes, and how the decisions you make change things in the future more than you could imagine.

5 years ago, I was one week away from graduating from high school. Excitement, nerves, questions, freedom and a driver’s license… The plan was to continue working and go to one of the local Junior Colleges, then transfer to a 4 year University and find some wonderful career and hopefully a wonderful guy.

Yeah. Reality turned out to be far from it. The working continued, and turned into a necessity when I moved out at 19. School slowly fizzled, probably in part due to the need to work. And therefore, I find myself 5 years out of high school with no degree, working full time and trying to figure out how to “make my dream happen”. And the guy part, well that just hasn’t happened, and I’m okay with it, some days more than others, because I don’t want to waste my time and heart.

One month from today I will turn 23. Which for some reason sounds much older to me than 22. And turning 22 was big because I didn’t have to deal with the, “oh you’re 21!!! cooooool!” response anymore,  that drove me nuts. I don’t drink, so it was only exciting because it meant I was no longer limited on the concerts I could go to.

23…I can’t believe it. I’m guessing it’s harder for my parents to believe, but it’s weird to me too. In some ways it feels like I was just a kid yesterday. But in other ways I can see so much growth and I’ve been through so much that it seems like I should be 53, not 23!

I’m  thankful to be where I’m at, even if it’s far from where I thought I’d be. 5 years ago I was only months away from coming to know Christ. 5 years ago was the beginning of new things. 5 years ago I had no idea of the hardships ahead, but I also had no idea how hugely God would bless me on the other side of those challenges. And this can only be true of my future as well.

No matter where you are, take a second to realize what it means. And then take a deep breathe and continue on, you never know what is up ahead.

Today is heavy.

Today has been one of those days.

A day when there is so much going on in other people’s lives that I get overwhelmed. They are all people I love, and I am honored to be there to pray for them and go through it with them…but it gets tiring nonetheless. I’ve always been a peacemaker, with both family and friends. I don’t mean that in a people pleasing sense, I just tend to help clarify situations and support them while they’re going through it. But along with all of that comes on the impact of taking on someone else’s burdens.

I believe that’s what community and love is all about, helping to lessen the load of someone elses burdens. I think today I’m just feeling the weight of it all more than other days. And the situations going on are also making me think about those areas of my own life. Areas that I’ve already been through, or areas that I feel like there is something missing.

I’m so thankful that I am loved by a God who is bigger than all of it. Through Him I will live abundantly, I will come through the other side as a stronger person, and while I am tired from it all He will give me rest.

Let yourself just be with Him-brought to us by Evan Wickham

We (my roomate, D, and I) have a new roomate, we’ll call her C. And C is wonderful, a total answer to prayer on so many levels!

So last night the three of us went to C’s church because Evan Wickham was leading worship and giving a short message. We figured it was a great time to see what her church is like and I’d heard that Evan was amazing. It must be genetic with that bunch, because he was wonderful.
It was so refreshing to be a part of a smaller, and totally spirit-filled worship time. Evan is definately a gifted worship leader and apparently a gifted speaker as well.

He spoke about being open to being distracted by Jesus. While being distracted generally has a negative connotation, in this case it is something to go with. We tend to get so caught up in our routines of day to day life that sometimes we forget to “stop and smell the flowers”, so to speak. I know this is true for me. I get so busy and have so many things I need to do, that I forget to just sit at His feet and enjoy His presence.

Evan gave 3 scriptures to back it up:
Luke 17-
The Leper who was on his way to fulfill a task asked of him by Jesus, but who stopped to be with Jesus and was then healed because of his faith.
John 4:23-30-
The woman at the well.
She is sent to fetch water for the men in her town…Jesus offers her a water that will leave her fulfilled and asks her to return and tell of this water. She gets distracted by Jesus and abandons her task to be with him, and to do as he asks.
She does this *in spite of the fear of man* (that statement probably strikes a chord with many of us!).
Romans 11:33-
Paul is in the middle of theological lessons and gets distracted by the power and glory and wisdom of God and switches speaking styles and focus…then He begs of his brothers to live as sacrifice to God.

They all get distracted FROM their task BY the reason why we live and have freedom, JESUS!

wow.
When was the last time I let myself just stop and get caught up in Jesus’ love for me. Just sit at His feet and be.

Evan made a good point, even if you are reading your bible and you are so into it and feeling His presence but you might be late to your job/appointment/whatever you are “supposed” to do, to just let yourself be with Jesus in that time. The example he gave hit me too… He was talking about reading the bible with his son, and saying to him, “you know what, you might be a little bit late to school…but I feel like we should read this next chapter too.” The picture of a father, putting the Lord first, and showing his son what that looks like…that’s how it should be!
So what if your routine has to shift a little, or a lot, this is GOD we’re talking about. The God that speaks things into being, the God that raises people from the dead, the God that sent His only Son to die so that we may live abundantly. Yet we think our TV show is more important than reading His word!?

What holds the most importance in your daily life?

Of course, this isn’t reason to become irresponsible in life, because we are also called to be good stewards of what we have been given. But let yourself be with Him.That’s what matters to Him most. That’s what should matter to us most.

It rocked my mental/spritual world. Hope you’re rocking too!

Oh, and the music…that was amazing! But that’s another story…but check him out and buy his CD….you can get it from his site or on Itunes, and there’s another one in the making so..get ready!

My Rock and my hard place

“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

I was thinking about this phrase while driving the other day.

Two oposing forces, pushing you towards somewhere in the middle, where you find yourself unable to do exactly what YOU want.

Interesting, don’t you think?
It seems to me that, by this definition, we are always “stuck between a rock and a hard place” in life. There are always two choices.

And then I got to thinking that “I’m stuck between MY rock, and MY hard place” makes a whole lot of sense to me. Stay with me, the metaphor breaks down a little because I’m using the “rock” as something postive…whereas I think the usage implies that both sides are negative.

My “rock” is my Lord. He knows what is best for me, offers it to me, shows me atleast the first step it’ll take to do what is best for me. He is constant, strong, wise, and loving.

My “hard place” is my sin, weaknesses, the ways of this world, what may seem like the easy way out. We all have our own personal hard place(s). This struggle changes face day to day, but is also constant, because I’m a fallen human.

And then there is me, somewhere in the middle. With both forces pulling and pushing me towards my decisions. Hopefully the rock has more power, that is, hopefully I give the rock more power, more respect, more trust; afterall, I am chosen by Him, I am His beloved. Hopefully I ignore the hard place, laugh in it’s face, say it means nothing to me. But alas, I am still fallen…Redemed by Jesus, yes, and in that I am given freedom and grace. However, in our humanity we are given free will, the ability to make our own decisions and live through the consequences, good or bad, easy or difficult.

So there is always a battle. You can choose who to side with, who you give more power, whose advice you’ll take, whose love you’ll accept.

My Rock and my hard place.

I choose my rock. It’s a choice I make everyday, every moment.

I hope you dance

Every once in a while I come across a song that knocks me off my feet.
Waltz in 3, off of Shawn McDonald’s newest album entitled “Roots” is one of those songs.

The song is, as implied by the title, to the timing of a Waltz.

If you turn it up loud and close your eyes and just soak it in, it’ll take you away. My mind gets flooded with so much imagery when I listen to this one. It’s like there’s a movie playing in my head (this actually happens to me with almost every song..but some are more vivid and interesting than others).

The string instruments swaying makes me want to stop what I’m doing and just float around the room to the song. I picture a wedding dance. Maybe it’s mine that has yet to come, maybe it’s just an image. From 3:09-3:44 is instrumental, and then it picks back up with all of the layers of sound. I can see the dancers move across the dancefloor, turning and floating, with the elegant dress swaying with each step. It’s such a beautiful piece of music.

And the fact that it is a waltz combined with the way it gets to me, makes me think about my relationship with God. The way that He will lead, if you will let Him, and it will be beautiful. At times the path may break your heart, but it’s only to prepare it for the beauty that lies ahead (this idea also reminds me of the song “Time” on this same album).

Sometimes it’s hard for me to just let go, to let Him lead, and “trust that He will catch me when I fall”. I think it’s often hard for most people. It’s give and take. There are ebbs and flows. It’s a dance. He invites us, arms outreached, onto the dance floor. He will take you by the hand and lead you in a beautiful dance. Even if you’ve never danced before, even if you’re scared, He knows what to do, and the steps it takes to make it all happen. The ultimate choreographer, the ultimate dance partner, the ultimate leader. They say that if the man doesn’t know how to lead, the woman will have lots of trouble following, thus making the dance clumsy and flawed. But even when the woman is not an experienced dancer, if the man leads as he should, she simply follows his lead, and the two together dance perfectly together.

I have no experience on the literal dance floor, which may be why this resonates with me. It’s still something unknown to me in my personal life. It still holds a lot of magic, and is something that I plan on sharing with only the man I marry. It may sound extreme, but it’s such an intimate thing to me. Two people, moving together as one, face to face, moved by the music. A representation of relationship, give and take, learning and teaching, leading and following, lover and beloved. A beautiful thing.

The chorus repeats, “wont you take me, and make me beautiful”. That is what God does for us. He created us to be beautiful, but we have fallen and we mess things up all the time, and He takes that and brings the beauty He created inside of us back to the surface of who we are. He chisels away the ugly to reveal the beautiful. He stays with us thoughout the entire dance, smiling with joy that we are choosing to be with Him, and He leads us flawlessly.

And what God offers us is all of that. If we will only step out on the dancefloor, hand in hand with Him.

That amazes me. That He is asking me (ME!? no, you must mean someone else…wait, you really do mean ME!? wow. um…okay, that would be lovely, thank you!) to join Him in this dance.

The Symphony of Spring

I thought about Spring this saturday as I drove north on I-5.
I was passing through Camp Pendleton and was just about knocked over in the driver’s seat by the beauty that suddenly surrounded my vehicle. I never thought I would say such a thing about anything connected to a military base, but then, I guess it really has nothing to do with it other than the geographical location.
The hills were so vibrantly dressed in all shades of bright yellows and greens. Full of new plant life that now covers every inch of those hills. Every inch of what just months ago was fully ablaze and left covered in ash and darkness.
So it got me thinking. About Spring, revival, true beauty, the need for refinement, and how good our God really is.
For a good 20 minutes straight I was completely in awe of the colors and the way the hills rolled along the freeway. I’m almost surprised I didn’t end up on the shoulder with drool dripping down my chin.
It wasn’t anything I’ve never seen before, and there weren’t birds flying through the air chirping or deer frolicking through the meadows. It was just simply beautiful. It was just the hills on the east side of I-5 through Camp Pendleton. It was simply God’s creation that blew me away and left me captivated all over again.

And it made me think about the stuggles we go through in life. When you’re in the middle of it all, and the hills all around you are on fire, it’s hard to see anything but that. You so quickly forget the beauty that was there, the beauty that will return, in time. The beauty that shines so bright that you now almost forget what used to exist in that space; you remember just long enough to be glad that you stuck it out to see what would appear after the flames. Sometimes the old needs to die in order for the new, and beautiful, to flourish. But we get so caught up in the mourning that we miss the new buds and blossoms poking out through the dirt. Refinement. It’s a process, and a sometimes long and difficult one. But the end result is beautiful.

And I need to mention that I was listening to an amazing new CD on the drive up there, which certainly went along with the beauty of the landscape. It’s Shawn McDonald’s newest masterpiece “Roots”. Fitting? I think so!

Also, Jon Foreman’s latest release in the string of 4, season-themed, EPs is now out…and guess what it’s called? SPRING! It’s wonderful.

So get out there, breathe in the fresh air, take a moment to notice the new life all around, and realize that our God is a beautiful artist. And buy some new music while you’re at it. That makes life so much more enjoyable!

Paloma and Paloma

I’m pretty sure I’m writing for myself on this thing. But that’s alright…maybe it’s a less crazy way of talking to yourself? kidding…kinda.

Anywho, I thought I would share about my other “child” today.

She’s from Brazil and has a super cool name. I have to admit, that was a small part of why I chose her. I thought about all of the cool letters between us…”Hi Paloma, it’s Paloma.” Being that I’ve only met one other person with my name (who wasn’t as excited about it as I was, sadly) it’s pretty neat.

Anyways, she’s an adorable little 3 year old girl with curly hair (also makes her cool…do you see a theme here?), who lives with her mother and father. I can’t wait to write to her and get her letters with cute little drawings of flowers and stories of her days in Kindergarten/Preschool.

I just feel honored to be able to make a difference in 2 children’s lives. To help the parents support their families. To let them know that someone across the world cares about them and likes to hear about their favorite games. It all comes back to what we did in South Africa…connecting people across the world because we are all God’s beloved children.

So, thinking about it??? If it is something you feel God nudging you to do..go for it, you can make a difference in a little child’s life, in their family, in their community, in this world.